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29-Dec-11

To Maya (The timer restarted)

Dear Maya,

You’ve started walking over the past month. Usually when kids figure out about walking, they WALK. They wobble and look for sharp things to bang into. You do too. Just you also never give up putting things in your mouth. You are way busier.

I remember what it was like when your brother started being mobile, OUR LIVES SCREWED! Even so, we couldn’t be more thrilled to see you taking your first step, because being parents sucks. You are relieved that tough phase of your child just went by, another child came along, and everything starts over again.

Love,
Mommy

Comments (2) »
28-Dec-11

Snowball Cookie

Make these cookies if you only have 10 minutes to come up with something to bring over to friends for this holiday. I seriously doubt that anyone who would not be addicted to these. Traditionally this is one of the Christmas cookies, but it’s become my all-time favorite.

By the way, the 10 minutes are only for you to take out the ingredients and combine everything with hands. You do need another 35 minutes to bake them where you could dress up and get ready.

Ingredients (around 20 cookies):

1 cup cake flour
1 1/2 cups nut of your choice (I used walnut, pecan and almond), finely chopped
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup powder sugar

Directions:

Preheat oven to 300F.

In a bowl, mix together flour, nuts, salt and sugar.

Add vanilla extract, then butter in little pieces. Combine everything together with your hands until the mixture looks like a coarse meal.

Form the dough into tablespoon-sized balls, place onto a cookie sheet. Leave an inch apart between cookies.

Bake for 35 minutes. When they are still warm, but cool enough to touch, roll the cookies in powder sugar lightly. Set aside to cool completely. Then dust with powered sugar again.

Comments (9) »
25-Dec-11

To Ethan (Wild Animal House)

Dear Ethan,

The other day when we were decorating the gingerbread house together, you insisted it was not you who gobbled all the candies, but the gorilla and wild boar who have been residing in your room eating nothing but AIR.

To punish them, you made them stand there for three days only inhaling the incredibly tempting gingerbread cookie smell.

Love,
Mommy
Comments (4) »
25-Dec-11

To Ethan (38 months) and Maya (14 months)

Dear Ethan and Maya,

I returned to work this month. And unbelievably, you have a mother who doesn’t think she suffered enough from those sleepless nights when you were still babies, and has voluntarily chosen to work at 5:30AM. The original reason of this decision was I wanted to have some free time to collect myself after work before fighting the crazy evening battles. Like I could have full two hours to let out that herd of bison that had been constipating since last time you let me stay in the washroom for more than three minutes, which I have a hard time recalling. That afternoon when I went to the grocery store alone, I felt like I was drunk with freedom behind that shopping cart because I WAS REALLY SHOPPING. Not standing in the middle of an aisle with one hand putting back all the grocery items that her son shoves off the shelves and the other one feeding three kinds of snack to her daughter.

I was flooded with ideas about how to enjoy this free moment. I had to concentrate driving after work because it would have been so easy to just keep driving and escape to the Palm Springs where I could drink Pina Colada and chill by the pool.

But one week into this hiatus, I started to miss doing all those grueling houseworks. Half of my brain was mostly consumed at all times with the thought of chores that need to be done. I rushed home right after I got off from work. Within that tiny window before I picked you up from the daycare, Ethan, I would have the laundry done, bathroom washed, floor vacuumed, and food prepared. In the time it takes the muffins to bake, I could wallpaper the living room and landscape the backyard. People find it absurd that I am able to get up at this godly hour and work my ass off until dawn. I feel absurd about myself too. Maybe the nesting instinct is still around, but in fact I do enjoy it! I love to see everyone of you coming back home with everything well organized and delicious warm meal ready. Sometimes your father hates this about me – my constant need to get something done. Like he never understands why his mother is always busy with completely nothing around the house. Because he’s not a mother, I am. I realize that “free time” is one of the many luxuries people give up when they decide to procreate, which you cannot truly appreciate but have to remind yourself to suck it.

And I think I enjoy all this is because this makes me believe I am a good mother, which I’ve always had a hard time believing. The other day while I was driving you home from the daycare, Ethan, at the point where I had to come to a sudden stop when some moron just cut me off out of nowhere, you dropped an F-bomb way before I was done loading mine behind my throat. I ALMOST PASSED OUT. Not only because you know this word, but you know how to use it in context! The rest of the trip was I being completely silent fearing how soon you would get kicked out of the school, just for the fact that you have a mother who teaches you nothing but cursing and being mean.

Maya, I think you may start your period soon, because the last few weeks you have been nothing but a bipolar baby. I have to keep asking you to pick a mood and stick with it, because I feel like I’m dodging bullets. Suddenly your obsession for food has become an obsession of “putting food into your mouth, coating it with drool, taking it out, throwing it against the wall, then smearing it onto my hair”. When I decide to not let you touch anything but feed you myself, you refuse to eat. And then you will nag for food because you want to eat. Or you just want to take that piece of very greasy penne to grease your face, hand, hair, EVERYWHERE. If I take it away from you, just like the other day when I STOLE the keys from your hand, your mouth falls at the ends gushing out that storm of cries. And your recent favorite is to throw your full body on the floor (very cute and funny by the way) and pound your arms and legs in anger, just because I audaciously TAKE SOMETHING AWAY FROM YOU. But the best part is, babies have that short attention span thing going on. So once the wailing starts in I can hand you ANOTHER object that has the potential to be taken away but is currently not in the state of being taking away, like tampon. And BOY does that shut you up.

This month you’ve become more verbal. Anytime when you see something you have to name it. You say “na na” to a banana, “pop pop” to Corn Pop, “mum mum” whenever you are in the kitchen, which is ALL THE TIME. Sometimes you call me “ba ba” or “ma ma”, which really gets me wonder if you are calling me or your grandma. You do say a lot of “mommy”, but only under the circumstances when you want me to get something for you, mostly food. At first, I was pretty thrilled that at least you call me Mommy, I would do anything for you. But yesterday your grandma called me and told me you kept saying Mommy at her house, most of the time you were pointing at something out of your reach, like the microwave, the cookies box on the kitchen counter, and that slab of ribs that your grandma was preparing for dinner.

Ethan, in fact, you’ve become more verbal too. Or I should say more expressive. Last week on the ride home after daycare, I told you we were going to have your favorite pasta for dinner, after you confirmed that I cooked it with all your most wanted ingredients, you exhaled a contented “SCRUMPTIOUS!” Yesterday when we were in the bathroom (See? THIS is why I need my free time, cause I can’t even use the bathroom PRIVATELY),

You: What are you doing, mommy?

Me: I’m pee pee in the potty.

You: Why are you pee pee in the potty?

Me: Because I don’t want to wet my pants just like Ethan. I DON”T WANT ALL WET. I DON”T WANT A LITTLE BIT WET.

You: Why you don’t want all wet?

Me: Because I am not a baby anymore. Big boy pee pee in the potty, not in the pants.

You: You are a big boy, mommy? Wow, BEAUTIFUL!

I am glad that I didn’t really wet anywhere in the bathroom. Cause it was THIS hard to resist to laugh.

Kids, I have to say you have taken me to enjoy every festivals now. Before you came along, Christmas to me was just a couple days off when I could sleep in and regret how I spent the entire holiday sleeping in. When I drove across the neighborhood, all I used to do was to tease about those gaudy Christmas light displays, especially ones involving giant inflatables of cartoon characters that have nothing to do with Christmas, like a 15-foot tall SpongeBob. But now we are eager to drive across that house even it may take 10 minutes longer to get home, because we want you to see that. Just today we had a family Christmas dinner, I witnessed you both explode with excitement only when you saw everyone open their presents. That feeling was way more electrifying than I received mine. And THIS is what I will remember.

Let us have more Merry Christmases, kids.

Love,
Mommy
Comments (0) »
20-Dec-11

Yellow Butter Cake with Vanilla Swiss Meringue Buttercream

If you wonder what is the occasion for this cake? My answer is, “COMPLETELY NOTHING. My kids are just too obsessed about cakes and birthdays, not necessarily any birthday cake of any kind.”

Probably after Ethan turned 3 years old, he started to associate cakes with birthday. Whenever he sees a cake, he will request to put the candle, blow the fire, and automatically sing, “Happy Birthday to You. Happy Birthday to You. Happy Birthday to Ethan……” And yes, every time it must be HIS birthday. And Maya will just drop whatever she’s doing, jump on the highchair, clap her hands like nuts and get ready to dive into the cake.

And now I’m obliged to make every cake look celebratory.

Ingredients (9-inch 2-layered cake):

Yellow Butter Cake
6 large egg yolks
1 cup milk
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
3 cups sifted cake flour
1 1/2 cups granulated white sugar
2 tablespoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
12 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature and cut into pieces
Vanilla Swiss Meringue Buttercream
3 large egg whites
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 sticks unsalted butter, softened
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
pinch of salt
1/2 teaspoon food coloring of your choice
Others
2 tablespoons sprinkles

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350F.  Grease two 8-inch cake pans, line bottoms with parchment paper. Set aside.

To prepare the cake, lightly combine the egg yolks in a bowl, add 1/4 cup milk and vanilla extract.

In the bowl of your electric mixer, combine flour, sugar, baking powder and salt on low speed. Add butter and remaining 3/4 cup milk. Mix until the dry ingredients are moistened.

Increase the mixer speed to medium and beat for about 2 minutes. Scrape down the sides and the bottom of the bowl.

Gradually add the egg mixture, in 3 additions, beating well to incorporate the egg.

Divide the batter and pour into the prepared pans, smoothing the surface with a spatula. Bake 25 to 35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean.

Place the cakes (in  the pans) on a wire rack to cool. Then invert the cakes onto a greased rack.  Cool completely before frosting.

To prepare the buttercream, put egg whites and sugar in a mixing bowl over a pot of  simmering water. Use an electric hand mixer to beat constantly  until  the  sugar has completely dissolved and the egg whites are hot. Remove from heat.

With whisk attachment, continue whipping the mixture in a standing mixer until thick, glossy, and cool.

Switch over to paddle attachment. While mixing on medium speed, continuously add softened butter in chunks until incorporated, and mix until it has reached a silky smooth texture. If curdles, keep mixing and it will come back to smooth.  Add vanilla and salt, mix well.

Right before frosting the cake, add the food coloring in the buttercream and  beat  for  another  10  seconds,  or  until  the  color  are evenly distributed.

To assemble the cake,  place one cake layer on your serving plate and spread with 1/3 of the buttercream. Place another cake layer on top, and gently press down a little bit.  Spread with another 1/3 of the buttercream. Smear the remaining 1/3 of the buttercream on the sides of the cake, and garnish with the sprinkles.

Cover and refrigerate the cake. Leave out in room temperature for at least an hour prior to serving.

Comments (9) »
14-Dec-11

Finally paying off

Dear Ethan,

Late last week I experienced one of my proudest moments as a parent. And I am not talking about you making it through the day without any dismembered body parts or shattered household items, although THAT would be the proudest day in my life. Only happening in my afterlife.

You did your first group performance. When I was told by your teacher that you’d been practicing for the Christmas party, the first thing I wanted to do was to call the whole family and make sure every one of them would cancel all appointments and be there to watch you. Because this is THAT important, though I know you will probably be rolling your eyes when you read this, and think I am just being totally melodramatic.

The two weeks leading up to the big day, I couldn’t wait but bug you to sing the songs between your every breath. Not that you wasn’t even annoyed, every time you would automatically swing your body and give me that cutest voice only a baby sheep could utter to sing, “Jingle Bell……Jingle Bell……Jingle all the way……” And when you were about to sing, “……in the one house open sledge, HEY”, you went completely ecstatic and jumped up over the ceiling and down through the floor. Me flying with you.

I emailed the video to my mom right after the party. I called her to gush about how brilliant you were, and asked her if she felt the same at my first performance. Turned out I didn’t perform as much as my brother did, cause I wasn’t as cute, which I found profoundly senseless. But she told me she would never forget those feelings when I brought home an extraordinary art piece or an aced exam paper. She laughed knowingly and said that I will have much more of this feeling of pride to look forward to. It is the most satisfying part of sacrificing so much of yourself as a parent. I just didn’t realize the pay-off would come this soon.

Love,
Mommy

P.S. When I unashamedly told Ada how you pulled me around to your classmates at the party and told them, ” My mom make cookie and chocolate cake!” She said, “See? He loves your food from his heart.” Now, I will remember how you grow up only bragging about my food, but NOT EATING IT.

Comments (1) »
11-Dec-11

Under my blades

Dear Ethan,

This is your first haircut……proudly done by your mother.

As normal, all along you were screaming, complaining, swinging to and fro because no matter how hard I tried, there’s no way I could refrain any small hair fragments from falling onto your delicate skin. ZILLIONS OF THEM. And you didn’t even allow one tiny fragment because it would pierce through your neck and drain blood from the vein.

I used to take you to my stylist who had to fight me from grabbing her scissors to cut your ear off. The decision of stopping taking you there anymore came naturally. YOU ARE UNDER MY BLADE NOW.

Love,
Mommy

P.S. Your guu guu didn’t think I did a good job, and keeps saying I should take you back to my stylist. Well, I will let her take you. And if she doesn’t end up killing anybody, I will grant her your full guardian.

 

Comments (1) »
07-Dec-11

Cocoa Hazelnut Shortbread with Nutella

I’m a sucker for anything hazelnut-y. Meaning I might not be very crazy about hazelnut as nut, but I always have a hard time resisting a bar of hazelnut chocolate, a cup of hazelnut latte, a slice of hazelnut cake……

These cookies are good as they are. With Nutella sandwiched in-between, I wasn’t able to resurface after I took three in a row.

Ingredients (about 20 sandwich cookies):

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
2 stick plus 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
2 teaspoons instant hazelnut coffee granules or regular coffee granules
1 cup Nutella

Directions:

Preheat oven to 300F. Line 2 baking trays with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, sift the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt.

In another bowl, cream the sugars, butter and coffee granules with a hand mixer until light and fluffy.

Gradually add the flour mixture to the creamed mixture and beat just until just incorporated. Scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed.

Cover and refrigerate for an hour.

On a lightly floured surface, roll out to 1/4 inch thickness. Cut with floured 2-inch cookie cutters. Bake the cookies for 20 minutes, rotating the baking sheets halfway through the baking time.

Remove from oven and let the cookies cool a few minutes on the baking sheet before transferring them to a wire rack to cool completely.

To assemble the cookies, spoon a teaspoon of Nutella into the centre of one cookie. Place another cookie on top of the cream. Lightly press to evenly push the filling to the outside of the cookie. Continue this process until all the cookies have been sandwiched.

Comments (8) »
05-Dec-11

Hi Winter

Dear Maya,

I am all warm and melting only seeing you stuffed in this over-sized jacket.


Love,
Mommy

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01-Dec-11

White Chocolate Cupcake with Vanilla Glaze

My 3-year-old son helped me decorate these cupcakes – basically scattered the sprinkles on top of the cupcakes, the kitchen counter, the floor, and lots in his mouth.

A MESS!

But I did enjoy it. He did too. And he asked to eat them all the time. Considered he’s never been interested into eating, this was very encouraging. And I’m going to bake another 4000.

Ingredients (12 regular sized cupcakes):

White Chocolate Cupcake
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1/2 cup good quality white chocolate, chopped and melted
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup buttermilk
Vanilla Glaze
1/4 cup milk
1 teaspoon clear vanilla extract
2 cups powdered sugar
Others
Colorful sprinkles for garnish

Directions:

Preheat oven to 325F. Grease muffin tin or line with muffin liners.

To prepare cupcakes, in a large bowl, sift together flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream butter on medium-high speed, until light and fluffy. Gradually add sugar and continue to beat until well combined and fluffy. Reduce the mixer speed to medium and slowly add eggs, one at a time, until just blended.

Add the melted chocolate and vanilla, mixing well.

With the mixer on low, slowly add half the flour mixture, mix until just blended. Add the buttermilk, mix until just blended. Slowly add remaining flour mixture, scraping down sides of the bowl with a spatula, as necessary, until just blended.

Divide the batter evenly among prepared muffin cups. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes. Let cupcakes cool completely before glazing.

To prepare the glaze, warm the milk and vanilla in a medium saucepan set over low heat. Add the powdered sugar and whisk slowly until slightly thickened.

Dip cupcakes, upside down, in the glaze and set on a rack placed over a baking sheet. Decorate with sprinkles immediately.

Repeat with remaining cupcakes, Let set for 5 minutes before serving.

Comments (7) »